Man in Need of Scaping

1. manscaping
Defined by Aly Walansky as:
1. an expanse of male anatomy that can be seen in a single view: a handsome manscape.
2. a picture depicting an expanse of the male physique.
3. the branch of art dealing with the representation of the male human body.
adj.
1. of or relating to a manscape: manscape treatments.
2. of or relating to manscaping: a salon offering manscape services.

v. man-scaped, man-scap-ing, man-scapes

v.tr. to adorn or improve (a region of the male anatomy) by grooming &/or by removing body hair, skin imperfections and flabbiness

This is not to say that men should not manscape- that’s for each to decide on his own, far be it for me to tell my fellow man what to do with his private parts- but this is a rant against the term.  The male body is not a lawn in need of a weekly gardener’s visit.  Landscaping to me says flowers.  Why can’t we have a cooler term applied to this habit.  Women get to say they’re ‘getting a Brazilian’ and everyone knows what’s going on.  I say we cry out for the ‘Haircut Below Deck’ or the ‘Girl Teaser and Pleaser,’  We are not manscaped, we are pubicly adjusted.

2. metrosexual
What can be less cool that being metro-sexual?  Sure cities are cool.  But being sexual like a city is not.  What makes a man metrosexual.  Well, to begin, you can be sure he manscapes.   He probably is missing a few other key markers of masculinity.  Except for the XY chromosome thing, the metrosexual male maintains some pretty feminine habits.

Again, I don’t have a problem with this lifestyle choice.  As a matter of fact, it’s been suggested that  a few of my habits are metrosexual.  What I have a problem with is  the ending of the word ‘sexual,’ which puts this term among the likes of homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual.  Combine this apparent preoccupation with sexuality with the fact that the metrosexual man tends to practice effeminate behavior, and we’re left with a less than flattering term.

I’m with Manshion on this one, metrosexual should be replaced with something like ‘metrolite,’ or we can stick to tried and true adjectives like “dapper,” “well-dressed,” or “suave.”